Most mothers want the best for their children. As a result when they give instructions or hover around you, they often believe that they are doing so for your own good. Ordinarily moms gradually allow their children to make their own decisions as they grow up; however some still feel that their children are incapable of living their own lives without the mother’s input. These types of mothers often try to stick around and order your life around. In essence these mothers seek to run your life and influence your decisions. While some children try to cut links from their domineering moms, some children are never able to break off the shackles of overbearing moms. Here are 7 tips to deal with a domineering mother:
1. Acknowledge that your mom will always be your mom
In spite of her many failings or acting out, your mom will always be your mom. This means that it may be hard to get her off the parenting mentality she had when you were younger. During your childhood, you needed her support and guidance. This means that she might have a hard time realizing that you do not need it as much now.
Though your mom may be overbearing, in most instances your mom is filled with good intentions when she advices you about your career choices, your diet and your child’s nighttime feeding. In spite of what she thinks, you need to know that you do not have to follow her advice to the letter.
2. Seek guidance and social support
Facing a domineering mom can be a daunting task as she may play all manner of tricks to get you on her side. If you do not feel confident enough, you can opt to consult and seek support from a close friend, therapist or spouse. Talk to your confidant about the issues you are having with your mom to help the person get a feeling about the whole issue.
Talking to a close friend or therapist helps you to work through your feelings and figure out what options are available to you. Explore the options you have and the changes you would like in your relationship to create the ideal situation with your mom. Examine what and where you are willing to compromise to enhance your relationship.
3. Set time to discuss the effects of her behavior with her
Make a date with your mom and get together over lunch or casual dinner. During the date talk to your mom about how you feel about her behavior. If you are unable to meet your mom, you can consider talking to your mom over the phone; however it is better to discuss sticky issues face to face if possible.
4. Establish rules of engagement and follow through
Establishing the rules of engagement is among the top 7 tips to deal with a domineering mother. Dealing with a domineering person involves setting down rules, regulations, guidelines and restrictions on how you will engage with the person. Once you have established these rules, you will need to follow through and abide by them. When your mom begins to act out in her previous domineering manner, let her know why you cannot entertain her behavior.
This may sound easier than said, however unless you stop the acting out before it gets too far, you are likely to get in trouble again. Domineering people like it when you feel guilty, so she will do her best to make you feel guilty about your rules and guidelines. Rather than bend to her will, simply thank her for the advice and continue with your course of action.
5. Show your independence
If you are living with your mom, she may feel as if she has a right to know everything that is happening in your life and give you instructions on how to conduct yourself. Keep in mind that as long as you are staying under your mom’s roof, you will have to follow her rules in spite of your age.
To show your mom that you are independent, move out on your own as soon as you can. As an adult, you should be able to support yourself and send a clear sign to your mom that you are capable of ordering your life around.
6. Request your mom to attend counseling with you
Ask your mom to attend counseling sessions with you so that both of you can work out your issues. In some instances, it is helpful to get professional assistance to get you out of the rut. A therapist will assist you to set boundaries and give your mom advice on when she needs to back off. Counseling is an ideal environment for both of you to voice your problems and concerns as well as listen to each other. If you follow the advice given by your therapist, you can work on building a healthy relationship.
7. Avoid arguing with her
This is among the top 7 tips to deal with a domineering mother. Domineering people do not mind pushing their agendas and making you feel bad when you do not adopt their point of view. If you find yourself in such a situation, try not to yell or argue with her during such moments. If an argument occurs and she tries to act out, walk away until the situation has calmed down.