Breaking up a marriage or an important relationship is never easy. Maybe you had good reasons for breakup and you may have wanted it or not, however your life will be turned upside down. These events also set off many unsettling feelings and experiences that you never knew existed. The good news is that in spite of these events, you can go through this difficult time and move on successfully.
Most people never expect to feel pain or loss after splitting especially in circumstances where there was rampant abuse. The truth is; no breakup is ever easy. Divorce and breakups are hard on people because they represent the loss of relationship, dreams and shared commitments. Basically romantic relationships begin with high hopes, excitement and dreams for the future. When these relationships fail, people experience great disappointment, grief and stress.
Divorce and breakup launches people into uncharted territory. Suddenly everything including responsibilities and routine with extended family and friends is disrupted. Breakup brings uncertainty about the future, you start wondering how life would be like without your partner. These unknowns seem worse compared to the unhappy relationship you just walked away from.
The following are tips to help you move on after break up:
- 1. Give yourself a break
- 2. Grieve the loss of relationship
- 3. Do not fight your feelings
- 4. Talk about your feelings
- 5. Keep in mind that moving on is the end goal
- 6. Reach out to others for support during the grieving process
- 7. Take care of yourself
- 8. Make healthy choices
- 9. Learn important lessons from breakup and divorce
1. Give yourself a break
Allow yourself to function at less than optimal level for a period of time. Accept that you may not be able to be as productive in your job or care for others unlike in the past. You are not superman/superwoman so take the time to regroup, re-energize and heal.
2. Grieve the loss of relationship
Grief is a natural response to loss, divorce and breakup involves multiple losses. You need to give yourself time to feel the pain of these losses since grieving is essential to the healing process. The pain of grief is what assists you to let go of past relationships and move on to new things. Your grief may be strong or very intense but it will not last for ever.
3. Do not fight your feelings
It is normal to experience lots of ups and downs; these include bitterness, confusion, anger and fear. You need to identify and acknowledge these feeling even when they are painful. Trying to ignore or suppress them will only add to the duration of the grief.
4. Talk about your feelings
It may be difficult to talk about how you feel, however it is critical to find ways to do so when you are grieving. Knowing that others are aware of your feeling will make you feel less lonely and assist you heal. You can also consider keeping a journal to assist you express your feelings.
5. Keep in mind that moving on is the end goal
Expressing your feelings will set you free; however it is critical not to dwell on the negative feelings of the failed relationship. Remaining stuck in hurtful feelings such as resentment, anger and blame will rob you of valuable energy and prevent you from moving forward and healing.
6. Reach out to others for support during the grieving process
Support from others is important to help your healing after divorce or breakup. Normally most people who go through the divorce or separation process feel like no one understands them. In the process such people isolate themselves without understanding that this will only make the situation worse.
Rather than isolate yourself, you should spend time with people who adore, energize and value you. During this period, you need to choose the people you confide in and open up wisely. Surround yourself with people who are positive and believe in you. This will help you to feel free when opening up without the fear of being criticized or judged.
7. Take care of yourself
Breakup and divorce can be highly stressful. You will go through emotional upheavals and major changes in life. During this period, you need to take care of yourself since the strain of divorce or breakup can leave you physically and psychologically vulnerable. Ensure that you get plenty of rest and minimize most sources of stress in your life.
8. Make healthy choices
Healthy habits usually get forgotten in the midst of the stress of divorce or breakup. During this period you are likely to find yourself eating junk food or not eating enough. In addition exercise might be harder to fit in your program due to the added pressure at home and insomnia. In spite of this, if you do not make healthy choices, all your effort to move on will be pointless.
9. Learn important lessons from breakup and divorce
Divorce and breakup not only comes with emotional upheavals but they also offer a great learning opportunity. Just because you feel empty and disappointed does not mean that you cannot grow and learn new things from the experience. Rather than sit around in self-pity, consider this as a time-out for sowing the seeds of new growth. Seek to understand yourself, learn from your mistakes and acknowledge the part you played in the breakup.